So surprised

Last night was very hard. I went through all of the stages of grief multiple times.

I was so incredibly, jaw-droppingly, mind-overcomingly surprised.

That is a problem.

How could I have been so out of touch with what 50% of Americans were thinking?
Frankly, I was surprised that it was even close in the lead up to the election. I still believe that Donald J. Trump is the least deserving candidate that I have ever seen. He makes Paul Ryan and Ted Cruz look reasonable. Just the other day, I was watching the documentary about Hamilton and saw Paul Ryan's contribution and I was so impressed with his intelligence and articulate speech.

I mourned most of today. I spent the day alone in the house listening to Rage Against the Machine and puttering about cleaning the bathroom and taking out the trash. It was a way for me to take back some agency, clean up some mess.

I am not yet ready to gird my loins and get out and be an activist, but I'm doing some self-care in order to get there.

Part of what I'm going to do is educate myself. I want to understand what went into the choice to vote for Donald J. Trump. Was it about change? Was it about hating Hillary Clinton? Was it about hating President Obama? Was it really about absolutely loving Donald J. Trump and his policies? (I find the last one the hardest to believe because he had no clear and consistent policy standpoints - but that's from my perspective, maybe others perceived differently?)

I really appreciate Tim Urban's blog "It's Going to be Okay" on Wait But Why and I recommend that you read it. He has taken more energy and time to put his thoughts together on the why, how and what's next.