Being LGBTQ at Notre Dame

I participated in a positive art project to support LGBTQ young people today. If you are in L.A. and would be interested in learning more and getting involved - comment, message, or email me and I'll get you in contact.

I'm being deliberately vague about the project in order to protect the creativity and intellectual property of this idea and I don't want to jump ahead of the launch!

Doing the project made me think about my experience when I first came out as a young LGBTQ person. I was at Notre Dame, an excellent school. Great academics, strong student focus, but also a pervasive macho culture and very conservative social values.

The editor of the alumni magazine asked me to write about my experience as an LGBTQ student at Notre Dame. It was scary - trying to represent a huge diversity of experience with just my own voice - and to do so in a format that would reach an audience that was potentially very hostile.

The writing process itself was very cathartic as I had the chance to look back and reflect on the experiences that shaped my coming out. (I'd also like to say that my article is very rambling and not great writing, so forgive my 21-year-old self if you choose to read it!)

The response...

Well, it was as expected.
Alumni wrote in saying that I should never have been admitted to the university. That I should choose celibacy. That they were withdrawing all financial support to the university because it chose to admit me and feature my story.*

On the other hand, the issue, which included several articles about LGBTQ concerns, received a first place gold medal award from the Council for Advancement and Support of Education for its special issue.

I believe that my four years at Notre Dame, a conservative midwestern college, made me into the LGBTQ feminist activist that I am. Being forced to define and defend my identity shaped my values and priorities. It led me to choose education and a career path where I could provide support for people seeking recognition and justice.

I hope that the four years in the Trump administration will serve as a similar catalyst for activists, youthful or experienced, to take up their values and push for them. It won't be easy, many people will push back, but let's take this as a wake up call.


*When I went back to the comments section in order add a link to this blog post, I was genuinely surprised by the number of positive comments I found. I had forgotten about the positive and affirming comments and only retained the negative ones. I am so glad that I looked up the comment feed again. There are still many comments that are frightening (for example, the Navy man who was "lost at sea" after aberrant homosexual behavior) but they do seem more balanced than I'd originally felt.

So surprised

Last night was very hard. I went through all of the stages of grief multiple times.

I was so incredibly, jaw-droppingly, mind-overcomingly surprised.

That is a problem.

How could I have been so out of touch with what 50% of Americans were thinking?
Frankly, I was surprised that it was even close in the lead up to the election. I still believe that Donald J. Trump is the least deserving candidate that I have ever seen. He makes Paul Ryan and Ted Cruz look reasonable. Just the other day, I was watching the documentary about Hamilton and saw Paul Ryan's contribution and I was so impressed with his intelligence and articulate speech.

I mourned most of today. I spent the day alone in the house listening to Rage Against the Machine and puttering about cleaning the bathroom and taking out the trash. It was a way for me to take back some agency, clean up some mess.

I am not yet ready to gird my loins and get out and be an activist, but I'm doing some self-care in order to get there.

Part of what I'm going to do is educate myself. I want to understand what went into the choice to vote for Donald J. Trump. Was it about change? Was it about hating Hillary Clinton? Was it about hating President Obama? Was it really about absolutely loving Donald J. Trump and his policies? (I find the last one the hardest to believe because he had no clear and consistent policy standpoints - but that's from my perspective, maybe others perceived differently?)

I really appreciate Tim Urban's blog "It's Going to be Okay" on Wait But Why and I recommend that you read it. He has taken more energy and time to put his thoughts together on the why, how and what's next.

certified learner

I'm working on my expanded resume to submit to Peace Corps Togo so they can best prepare my pre-service training and, presumably, to help them determine what volunteer work I would be best suited performing.

They define specifically what to include in my resume. One part is 'relevant coursework'. So I've been looking through my transcripts from high school, undergrad at Notre Dame, and grad at Edinburgh.
I took some really amazing courses at Notre Dame. Stuff like:

En/gendering Christianity - including looking at feminine aspects of the Judeo-Christian god as found in the texts of the New and Old Testaments. My teacher was also happy to take in a guest speaker on transgender issues, S Bear Bergman, that OUTreachND (the outlawed queer student group) had invited to give a presentation.

Elementary Cosmology - arts students getting to explore the universe and learn about black holes and physics with all of the theory and very little of the maths

French Travelers to North Africa - studying amazing French literature and analyzing it in context with Edward Said's Orientalism

Studies in Criticsm - looking at opera and using gender and race theory to tear it apart and build it up again

Non-Western Political Thought - an amazing class, especially if you took the initiative to really get all the readings done and develop a good working relationship with the professor (he became my thesis advisor)

Negres/Africains/Negropolitain - a French literature class that focussed on the works of Africans in former French colonies. Amazing teacher and a brilliant array of literature I would never have thought to look for before.

Global Feminisms - taught at the adjacent women's college by a fierce and warm-hearted Palestinian woman, this was an amazing chance for me to explore the world as experienced by women. I'd never realized just how sheltered I was before.

Finally, Witchcraft and the Occult - yes, a history class on the occult taught at the US's most prestigious Catholic university. Even better? My teacher supported my friend and I through applying for (and receiving) a grant to travel to England and speak in person with an emerging Goddess-based religious group to gather information for our respective dissertations for the class.

and that's only a start...

No wonder I felt slightly uninspired by the curriculum choices at Edinburgh (although I did find some amazing courses there as well)